Hubby from heaven

I was a bride in their wedding. Yes I love these two lovebirds that if possible I would shift houses and be their neighbor.

Frank is just the perfect husband, that kind of gentle heart and care any woman would reach out for. Currently he is a certain company’s CEO but wait before you conclude he has the cash to finance it. It’s not about the money. I have known Frank running up and down the streets, from office to office, looking for printing jobs. It’s the common story of graduates missing their target job.

All this time Frank the hustler was sweating out, he had a wife and two kids to feed. The CEO job did not come easily, the same company that employs him today was one of his printing clients. One day the board Chairman took personal interest in Frank, started him off as a manager to where he is today.

It was not about Frank’s job, it’s his gentle manhood. His darling wife, Cathy can confess she does not understand when we complain of long queues at the supermarkets. Frank has been doing the shopping since. Frank knows very well that Cathy works but have never asked her what she does with her money. He pays rent, does shopping, pays school fees, pays for holiday, yes he pays all the bills.

Cathy on the other hand takes care of household like paying the house help, replacing furniture, buys the family’s clothing, salon etc yes she just keeps the house and family beautiful. Before I forget, she manages the family’s joint bank account. (heard someone ask for a break, ……granted.)

I wonder if they ever quarrel since been a close friend, I have never been asked to put out any fire, guess they just know how to handle their beef which comes with both been listeners and not commanders like most of us. Only God knows how many times I have called them in the middle of the night to come solve a domestic quarrel. It’s time to learn some points.

Frank never goes home late, yes he drinks his two bottles on Fridays but he once told me it’s a rule for the family to eat dinner together. In any case he feels like going out late at night, he goes with Cathy after putting the kids to bed. He insists going out alone sometimes with the boys and staying late, getting drunk that’s when the girls take advantage, so he carries his own queen. Wow! Lucky Cathy. When did you last go out with your wife?

Watch this couple every Saturday evening taking a lazy walk round the estate. They say that’s when they solve their problems. When walking they are able to talk freely and from the heart rather than when seated at home. I didn’t know that and guess you too just learnt. So they have a way of solving their problem. I wonder how you solve yours. Do pans and plates fly? Do you stay out late drinking? Is that when you call your mistress and spend the night there? Whatever…. It’s your beef, solve it.

Frank makes sure he saves enough every year to take his family for holiday abroad. Yes I said abroad, do you even save to take yours to the village or has town become everything? It’s a challenge, take it or leave it.

I wonder how many reading this can challenge Frank, say I am a better man than him. Sincerely confess to adore your queen and put the family first. Don’t raise up your hand yet. Kindly take a few minutes, swallow your pride and rethink about it, visualize your queen and imagine yourself acting the Frank cast and in a months’ time guess what would be the difference. Yes I knew it, I guessed right your answer, your bank account would have gone down, your boys will start laughing at you, your culture does not allow that!

Are you ready for all this? Now let’s see who thinks is better than Frank or who is ready to make a change in his matrimonial home despite all the odds. Put down your signature on the comments.



What a life!

Have you ever stared at a friend who is only two years older than you and wondered what went wrong? Ken was my primary school desk mate, very close since we happened to be from the same village, after parting ways in High School, we met again in college, did different courses but we have in touch after that.

We move on to our marital homes and with the busy schedules, calls were reserved for once in two weeks, brief and to the point but I had come to note his words were getting fewer per the next conversation, from his face book posts, he looked like a father to university teenagers while his kids were in middle primary school.

Call me what you want but my dreams always come true. I take my dreams seriously and that’s why after I had a bad dream about Ken, I called him early the next morning and demanded a meeting that very same day. It was on Saturday and we both had time in the afternoon.

I found him waiting, sipping a bottle of beer, he looked distant that he did not even notice me entering the open restaurant. “Hi Ken” I shouted joyously trying to distract him. “Hi Essy” He replied calmly, the usual hug was nowhere.

“Hope everything is okay. Why the big haste?” He asked, no smile on his face.

“May be you should be the one doing the talking. What is wrong with you? I am your friend, talk to me” I started it after I ordered my glass of juice.

“What are you talking about Essy? I didn’t call you, you are the one who called for a meeting” Ken was getting agitated.

“I had a bad dream” ‘Come on Essy, you still worry about your dreams, so did you have a bad one about me?’ Ken would never get me upset no matter how hard he tried, he is like a brother to me, so many times he have rescued me from tough situations.

“Come on bro, I know something is wrong, spit it, I am all ears”

“Okay, Its Maggie, She have changed, I have done all I can but am losing my mind.” He halted but I needed him to spill out all the beans.

“Remember I met her when she was just a receptionist. She went back to school, have been upgrading and now she is a manager in that same big Hotel. She is earning well. If not for the lying devil who have made Maggie his refuge, life would probably be at its peak. We both drive our own good cars, we no longer rent but live in our home, kids are doing well but Maggie…” Tears dropped from his eyes, I reached his hand and squeezed it signaling to him that I am listening and wish to hear the whole story.

“Maggie insults me everyday. I lie on the coach, she calls me a lazy idiot, I go out for walk, she calls me a dog, that I have been out there with women. She has turned to drinking, coming home late and adultery, yes Essy, I once paid private investigators and they gave me the evidence on tape.” More tears down the cheeks

“I once kicked her out of the house but she went to court claiming to have the kids, I couldn’t let the kids go so I had to let her back. I have reported everything to her parents but since she is the one maintaining all their bills, there’s nothing much they could do. Essy, forgive me but I have been contemplating killing her” No, no, no, that was my bad dream, I saw Ken killing Maggie.

“I am so sorry Ken, but let murder be the last option, think of the kids in a children’s home after you are jailed for life after killing their mother, there must be a way out”

“Which one Essy? which one? I really need a way now! God fearing Essy, please don’t tell me to pray, I have done that already and no response!” he barked at me. I needed to think fast

I thought of asking him to move out and visit the kids over the weekend. It didn’t make sense, he loved his kids to go a day without them noting that Maggie was not the best mother you could trust your kids with.

Then another one was to take time and get visas ready for him and the kids, leave without notice. He smiled at that, maybe it was better.

I was afraid of whatever advice to give but I hope my last was good.

What goes wrong after a few years when two lovebirds stay together? Where do the respect go? Where do the love travel to and can it ever be recalled back? When and why do you start seeing your other partner as an enemy, as a nobody? I don’t know what you would do if your friend was in that situation, what would you advice?

Can the women be dear hubbies?

Pans, plates, pillows were flying everywhere amid words that cannot be written for people to read. That was Jack and Joyce house. Joyce is my old friend since college days.

Still remember those beautiful college days, some memories should last forever. We shared a hotel room with my great friend Joyce. I still remember how we could go shopping for clothes over the weekend and our wardrobes were among the best.

Wearing those short skirts and tight jeans were the norm of the day. Yes we were modern girls. Those backless tops made every boy want to take us out on weekends.

Time has changed then, it’s been couple of years and now we are both settled in our homes. We wake to those busy days that demand decent dressing. To me it’s no big deal, actually I love my trouser suits, they ease my dress choosing every morning.

It was one Saturday evening and I had decided to check on Joyce since it was not normal for her not to pick or return my calls. Maybe she was sick but I needed no appointment to her home, I was always welcome there.

I found the drama going on, it was not a fight really but the urgument had their voices so high, object flew as a sign of how angry the other partner was.

“Thank God Essy you are here. I love my mini dresses and mini skirts and tell me don’t I look good in them?” I stupidly grinned for an answer since I was not sure of where the this path would lead.

“Jack has a problem with everything I wear, I wear the minis to work, he says I am out to attract male colleagues, I wear my tights over the weekend, its still a problem, why does he think all am after is attracting other men?” Jack is Joyce husband. Oh my God, how do I tell her that I too hate those short clothes in our office but keeping mum would be better?

“But Joyce, why do you wear the short clothes, you are married now, guess you should just dress smart and you know…” The stern look from Joyce cut short my lecture.

“Listen Essy. You can side with Jack, I don’t care, I now you are always in trousers. But please hear me out, I am still a girl inside, I want other people to look at me say ‘wow’. I love it when the managers compete on who to take me out for lunch since he (pointing at Jack) never even calls me for a lunch date, I love my clothes and no one will change that. Before you start on your lectures, let me let you in on this one. I realized that he (Jack) dates his secretary, I learnt this after scrolling through his text messages and on some he was telling the secretary how her short skirts makes him…(skip).. So that means he loves seeing her legs, so I guess he should see mine too. He gets upset because he thinks that since his secretary wears the short skirts to seduce him, I too wear my own to seduce the men in our company” I think so too Joyce, you wear to seduce them not the girl thing, oh my, this is just a hard topic to discuss. You know arguing with someone who only have the summary points. Thanks to Jack, he was quiet all this time guess to the respect he has on me.

But still I wonder why men get jealous when their women wear the short mini dresses or skirts yet they flatter with the ladies in the offices who wear them. Why won’t men like their women to wear the tight jeans on Fridays at work, yet they will take the same kind of dressed women for an evening coffee. Why can’t you just let her wear them, love her in them and take out, show her off to your friends, yes, she is your beautiful wife and you will hear them say ‘wow, what a ..(skip).. wife you got, you are lucky buddy’ or would it be too hard for you to hear them compliment you like that. And you women, are you sure you don’t wear the short and tight clothes to seduce men, are you sure it’s the ‘girl thing’ inside? Can someone tell me if it’s okay for a wife to wear this kind of clothes, show off her curves and legs and more have them say ‘wow’.

My EX wants back

“This is too much to bear, if I hold it anymore, I will burst, maybe go crazy, wear tattered clothes on the streets and scream it all out, but I thank God I have to download all to you. What are friends for anyway?

I am sorry but for this long we have been friends, I have just been trying to cover it all up with smiles and all fake stories. Things were just negative of what I presented but I guess every woman is taught to do so, wear a great fake smile when her heart is crying blood.

My children’s father is called Ben, a very successful career guy. We met when I was in college, one thing led to the other and we found ourselves settled in one house. One year later our daughter was born and that is when all hell broke loose. I saw the other side of Ben I never knew, he started drinking heavily and coming home late. I could bear that as he used to pay the house rent as I catered for food and house-help from the secretarial salary I earned then. I kept telling myself he would one day get tired of drinking and realize himself. Yes, that was so but he opened another chapter, women.

I had just given birth to our son and had decided to leave work and concentrate on family matters. Ben too supported the idea and he saw me through financially with all I needed.

One day I decided to clear up the bedroom, get rid of all unnecessary books and papers, old clothes etc. I started with the clothes. I had bought an extra wardrobe which I wanted to put Ben’s suits since the other one was so squeezed, I am one person who can shop for clothes like they meant everything in the world. I emptied all pockets cleaning up those small particles that sometimes remain in the pockets. The last suit jacket had it all, a woman’s earring, I never wear those small ones so definitely it was not mine. I kept it among the waste to be thrown out and went ahead to the drawers to arranging his books well.

This guy is a real busy man, so I thought as I heaped up the diaries and note books. Something just made me open one of the diaries. ……holding breath…. Two women featured in this diary, for every trip he made to coast, Maggie’s expenses were included and for every trip abroad, Jane’s expenses were included. I was now putting two and two together, the ring, the trips, something was amiss. I had no proof so I acted cool.

My investigations started a week later, I called his secretary and asked her to meet me for lunch. I explained to her what I had seen and asked her to kindly help me find the truth. Being a married woman and having experienced infidelity in her home she actually told me what she knew.

“Yes Maam, Maggie and Jane are your husband’s mistresses, they come to his office like they are his personal assistants, any time they like, I make orders for anything they want and book for all those trips you told me about. I am sorry Maam but I was praying for a chance like this to tell you since its annoying and I know it’s not right” Joyce narrated the whole story.

I knew the truth now but nothing much I could do, I depended on Ben for my every need. I knelt down and prayed to God for guidance. God never fails those who call upon Him. A month later, I enrolled for a management course which took a year to get a diploma. It was not an easy year but I knew I had to be strong. During this year, Ben had even started to sleep with my house help. I always played a blind eye and he thought I was either silly or never realized his habits.

I graduated with a diploma and the school helped me get a supervisor position with an NGO. The salary was good. I never told Ben the truth, I told him I was working as a secretary with hopes for a promotion.  By now Ben had become a wife beater, everything I did was wrong, my cooking was wrong, the way I handled the kids was wrong, he complained I never listened to him and threatened to get a second wife. I knew this was just an excuse.

It did not shock me when one day I arrived home only to find him in bed with a woman. He scolded me and asked me to pick my kids and rags of clothes out of his house. It was such a bad moment, the kids were screaming, the neighbors were out in their balconies watching the free movie.

I called my brother who owns a pick up, we packed our bags and spent the night in my brother’s house.  Early the next morning, I e-mailed my boss and lied that my son was running a fever and needed the day off, he told me to stay up the two remaining days of the week and report back on Monday when the boy gets better. I was able to get an apartment that day and moved our bags. Luckily, I had saved enough money to buy the house basic commodities and that’s how my life as a single mother started.

I am always grateful to God, today am a happy woman, I got a promotion at work from a supervisor to a HR manager, I drive my car, pay my bills and my kids are doing good.

Now here is the story I wanted to share. It’s been ten years since Ben threw us out of his house. He married that lady I found in the house. The marriage lasted for three years, he married another and they broke up after five years. These both women refused to give him children. Now he wants me to take him back. It hurts knowing that for the ten years, he never cared about the children, whether they schooled or eat. He has been calling me, he has been begging, he says he is ready to do anything I wish him to as long as I let him be part of the family again. My heart is past him and very far away to better things.

The hard part is, he has now started visiting the kids in their schools and pretending to love them, he is using the kids to pressurize me to have him back, the kids are so innocent and understand nothing, tell me Essy, what will I do”

My friend, Janet was hurting, tears were over her face as she narrated her story, she was squeezing my hands, she needed an answer, yes, Ben did hurt her, is it really so easy to put away the pain and assume he has changed? What if he starts the cheating and beating after a few years? I really needed an answer for Janet but had to be careful.

“Its okay dear, you just told me your story and it needs deep thinking and calculations, I suggest we take our time, pray over it and God will give us an answer. Don’t rush to making a decision, think about it slowly and I will support your decision. I too will think and pray over it, then we will discuss further, please dear, take it easy for now” I comforted Janet.

Its been one week since, I am not sure what you would advise Janet if she was your friend or sister. I really need your help, I will kindly put your suggestions in to deep consideration. Respond back with a comment urgently before the waters break the banks and we will all be to blame.