“This is too much to bear, if I hold it anymore, I will burst, maybe go crazy, wear tattered clothes on the streets and scream it all out, but I thank God I have to download all to you. What are friends for anyway?
I am sorry but for this long we have been friends, I have just been trying to cover it all up with smiles and all fake stories. Things were just negative of what I presented but I guess every woman is taught to do so, wear a great fake smile when her heart is crying blood.
My children’s father is called Ben, a very successful career guy. We met when I was in college, one thing led to the other and we found ourselves settled in one house. One year later our daughter was born and that is when all hell broke loose. I saw the other side of Ben I never knew, he started drinking heavily and coming home late. I could bear that as he used to pay the house rent as I catered for food and house-help from the secretarial salary I earned then. I kept telling myself he would one day get tired of drinking and realize himself. Yes, that was so but he opened another chapter, women.
I had just given birth to our son and had decided to leave work and concentrate on family matters. Ben too supported the idea and he saw me through financially with all I needed.
One day I decided to clear up the bedroom, get rid of all unnecessary books and papers, old clothes etc. I started with the clothes. I had bought an extra wardrobe which I wanted to put Ben’s suits since the other one was so squeezed, I am one person who can shop for clothes like they meant everything in the world. I emptied all pockets cleaning up those small particles that sometimes remain in the pockets. The last suit jacket had it all, a woman’s earring, I never wear those small ones so definitely it was not mine. I kept it among the waste to be thrown out and went ahead to the drawers to arranging his books well.
This guy is a real busy man, so I thought as I heaped up the diaries and note books. Something just made me open one of the diaries. ……holding breath…. Two women featured in this diary, for every trip he made to coast, Maggie’s expenses were included and for every trip abroad, Jane’s expenses were included. I was now putting two and two together, the ring, the trips, something was amiss. I had no proof so I acted cool.
My investigations started a week later, I called his secretary and asked her to meet me for lunch. I explained to her what I had seen and asked her to kindly help me find the truth. Being a married woman and having experienced infidelity in her home she actually told me what she knew.
“Yes Maam, Maggie and Jane are your husband’s mistresses, they come to his office like they are his personal assistants, any time they like, I make orders for anything they want and book for all those trips you told me about. I am sorry Maam but I was praying for a chance like this to tell you since its annoying and I know it’s not right” Joyce narrated the whole story.
I knew the truth now but nothing much I could do, I depended on Ben for my every need. I knelt down and prayed to God for guidance. God never fails those who call upon Him. A month later, I enrolled for a management course which took a year to get a diploma. It was not an easy year but I knew I had to be strong. During this year, Ben had even started to sleep with my house help. I always played a blind eye and he thought I was either silly or never realized his habits.
I graduated with a diploma and the school helped me get a supervisor position with an NGO. The salary was good. I never told Ben the truth, I told him I was working as a secretary with hopes for a promotion. By now Ben had become a wife beater, everything I did was wrong, my cooking was wrong, the way I handled the kids was wrong, he complained I never listened to him and threatened to get a second wife. I knew this was just an excuse.
It did not shock me when one day I arrived home only to find him in bed with a woman. He scolded me and asked me to pick my kids and rags of clothes out of his house. It was such a bad moment, the kids were screaming, the neighbors were out in their balconies watching the free movie.
I called my brother who owns a pick up, we packed our bags and spent the night in my brother’s house. Early the next morning, I e-mailed my boss and lied that my son was running a fever and needed the day off, he told me to stay up the two remaining days of the week and report back on Monday when the boy gets better. I was able to get an apartment that day and moved our bags. Luckily, I had saved enough money to buy the house basic commodities and that’s how my life as a single mother started.
I am always grateful to God, today am a happy woman, I got a promotion at work from a supervisor to a HR manager, I drive my car, pay my bills and my kids are doing good.
Now here is the story I wanted to share. It’s been ten years since Ben threw us out of his house. He married that lady I found in the house. The marriage lasted for three years, he married another and they broke up after five years. These both women refused to give him children. Now he wants me to take him back. It hurts knowing that for the ten years, he never cared about the children, whether they schooled or eat. He has been calling me, he has been begging, he says he is ready to do anything I wish him to as long as I let him be part of the family again. My heart is past him and very far away to better things.
The hard part is, he has now started visiting the kids in their schools and pretending to love them, he is using the kids to pressurize me to have him back, the kids are so innocent and understand nothing, tell me Essy, what will I do”
My friend, Janet was hurting, tears were over her face as she narrated her story, she was squeezing my hands, she needed an answer, yes, Ben did hurt her, is it really so easy to put away the pain and assume he has changed? What if he starts the cheating and beating after a few years? I really needed an answer for Janet but had to be careful.
“Its okay dear, you just told me your story and it needs deep thinking and calculations, I suggest we take our time, pray over it and God will give us an answer. Don’t rush to making a decision, think about it slowly and I will support your decision. I too will think and pray over it, then we will discuss further, please dear, take it easy for now” I comforted Janet.
Its been one week since, I am not sure what you would advise Janet if she was your friend or sister. I really need your help, I will kindly put your suggestions in to deep consideration. Respond back with a comment urgently before the waters break the banks and we will all be to blame.